When We Were Young and Free
by hufflepuffpower93
Summary: A few days after escaping his cell at Hogwarts, Sirius sits at Remus' kitchen table and remembers the wrong he's done in the past, mistakes he made and the life he could've had as he also ponders the future. My first wolfstar fic. One-Shot. Disclaimer- I'm not JK Rowling and make no money at this. Rated for language.


**A few days after the end of Prisoner of Azkaban, Sirius tries to get used to the idea of being free and facing the love of his life. One-Shot.**

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Alone after the first time in all these years, Sirius could now see the pain and sorrow in Remus' eyes. It was deep set, the sort of wound that would never close; one that had festered over time. It was obvious that things were- never going to be the same, or even close to it, ever again. In fact, they'd been alone in Remus' house for at least three hours now, in which time Sirius had been bathed, clothed and fed; yet they had hardly spoken a word. There were a thousand thoughts running through the animagus' mind. Should he try to make conversation? Was he even really welcome here? Things weren't exactly all good between he and Remus when he'd gotten thrown into Azkaban in the first place. Carefully, Sirius decides to speak. "I- I'd like to apologize." He starts, looking up from his now empty bowl. The werewolf froze, stiffening hard from his place at the sink where he was washing dishes from their meal.

"Oh?" He relaxed himself a bit and kept about his work, not turning around.

"I can't imagine what it was like for you-" Sirius said. "After everything."

"I managed." Remus said quietly, his voice obviously stiffened to conceal any emotion.

"I-er- You know, I don't have to stay here. I can tell that its bothering you, my being here." Sirius wanted him to yell, scream, say ANYTHING rather than face this silence; it was so cold a foreign to him, not talking to Remus. But then, it was his own fault; Sirius supposed that perhaps he deserved nothing less than the stinging silence. It was the same silence Sirius knew from Remus. It brought back one of the hardest memories Sirius had; one which thanks to the dementors of Azkaban he'd relived day after day for over a decade.

 _The war was getting closer to home, with new threats and attacks coming from everywhere. Sirius never thought that by twenty-one he'd be a solider fighting to keep the magical world safe; but he was happy to do it. There was just the small matter of the tips the Order of the Phoenix had been receiving that one among their ranks was not who he had claimed to be, that hearts and minds had been blinded. And it was that which terrified him._

 _Sirius had also never expected to be so very in love at such a young age, but he and Remus were. He'd fallen for the other wizard at fourteen, and held it inside of fear of rejection for three years, finally confessing at Remus' seemingly unconscious side after a horrible full moon, one which had lost far too much blood and the Marauder's feared for his life. 'I can't lose you like this' Sirius had sobbed, 'Not when there is so much to tell you', and he'd gently kissed Remus' lips, at which point his eyes opened. Sirius had felt like he may vomit in that split second, but when Remus smiled weakly and ask 'What took you so long?' he thought his heart may burst. They'd been together since that day, getting a flat after graduation._

 _But now, things were taking Sirius' life in another direction, one which shattered his soul when he thought about what needed to be done; but a broken heart was worth the life of his Godson, and if the situation was what it truly seemed to be, then Sirius had no choice. Remus would have to go. They'd all worked so hard for him; keeping him safe and in school, accompanying him during the horrific transformations and staying at his bedside as he recovered. It was hard to believe that such a kind, gentle soul would turn in such a way, no matter what had been promised._

 _It hurt him the most to think that his love was not enough; that Remus would seek the empty promises that Voldemort was offering the werewolves that followed him rather than stay with those he knew loved and cherished him, those who would always take care of him. Why would he not tell him he'd been pressured? Sirius groaned as he walked home, knowing he was about to tear down a life he'd just started to build with the man he was nearly certain was his one and only. The closer he got to home, the slower he walked._

 _Once in the flat, he found Remus sitting near a window, books spread out before him, a sight that warmed Sirius' soul, making his task harder. 'Welcome home' Remus smiled up at him, but Sirius did not return the gesture. 'Is everything okay?' His voice was terrified, golden eyes gleaming with concern as he looked up. Sirius sighed deeply and sat down across from him. Gentle and kind as he was, Remus was a brilliant and fierce duelist; Sirius did not want to engage him in a fight._

 _'We need to talk' Sirius said, leaning forward, a tear sliding down his cheeks._

 _'Sirius, Baby?' Remus swallowed thickly._

 _'Things, being the way they are...' Sirius said, staring ahead of him without meeting Remus' eyes. 'With the war, and Lily and James having to hide-" Sirius looked down, rubbing his hands roughly over his face. "I think its best we break up." He glanced toward Remus, who had a blank expression, yet was blinking rapidly._

 _'I'm afraid I don't understand', Remus said, reaching out for Sirius' hand, but he pulled away. 'Did I-'_

 _"I know." Sirius said, looking Remus in the eye finally, a quiet rage brewing in his swirling grey eyes. "I know its you, alright? I know that; that you've been hiding in plain sight and living a lie, laying next to me every night deepening your deceit.' Remus opened his mouth to argue but Sirius wouldn't allow a word in edgewise. 'I think its best you just get the fuck out of my flat.' He said finally, standing. 'I'll give you an hour to pack.' Remus looked shaken to his core, silent tears streaming down his face so heavily they stained his pale grey shirt. Sirius sat in silence while Remus moved through each room in what had been their home and took what little was truly his; after a little over an hour, he walked out the door without a sound and out of Sirius life._

This memory played once more though Sirius' mind, the sound of silence so familiar. Remus broke him from old memories. "You don't bother me, Sirius." He said, turning around. He didn't step closer, however.

"I should have known better than to think you were the spy in the Order, Rem. I knew you better than I knew myself. Your heart, you weren't capable of such a thing. I was so young, stupid, scared." Sirius said. Remus sighed.

"And I forgive you, Sirius." He said quietly, moving to leave the room.

"Remus-"

"Yes?" He turned around and Sirius took him in. He'd not aged very much in the time since they'd seen each other last; his hair greying but his eyes and smile kept him young. He was beautiful, the same way he'd been when Sirius came into their flat that day, sitting in the sun reading.

"Why would you? Forgive me?" Sirius ask. He truly wanted to know.

"Because, Sirius. War makes good people do things they regret." He left the room after that, and Sirius blinked after him. He was unsure what would happen now, if they'd ever be together again, or even regain their friendship. But for now, Remus' forgiveness was enough.

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 **This is my first Wolfstar story; although I read tons of them. If its good and you think I should write more of this ship, please please PLEASE let me know! Thank you for reading! You're all amazing.**


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